matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Small penises have feelings too.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i need some magic done to my vagina
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
