i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.Â
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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