Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
