Say something about gay babies.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
