you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
