all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
