This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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