I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
