New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize