In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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