Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
