Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
