Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
