I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
