my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
