He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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