Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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