How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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