need another drink. this is the easiest way
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
