Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize