I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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