Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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