I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
