you traded sex for a burrito?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
