Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
