batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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