When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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