He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
