Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
