this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
