Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
