I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
