My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
