u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
