Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
