we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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