you win again, gameday.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
