can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I have feelings that need drinking.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
