so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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