i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
