those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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