stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
