TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
