ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
