yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
