The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
