I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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