I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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