Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
This baby is an asshole
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
