I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
