The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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