Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Randomize
