all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
