90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
