What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
dude i'm inner monologue high
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
