My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
