he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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