Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
