the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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