I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
