yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize