I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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