see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
People in love make me want to vomit
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
